I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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