just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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