I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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