I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
