I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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