hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
