ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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