Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
