Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
