Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
