am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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