Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
