Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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