I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
