2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
