Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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