Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Drake has all the answers
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
