your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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