for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
