I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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