You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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