imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
