We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
