Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
