The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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