one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
