my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
