you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
