At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
