the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is Oprah even human
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
