A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
