I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
