yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
