I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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