they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
