Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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