sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well you can't waste a boner
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
