Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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