hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
