I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She announced her abortion via fbk
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
