I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize