I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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