omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
