is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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