Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
