we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize
