Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
