Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
