Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
