he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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