I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
