I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
