my vag is so smooth its legendary
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
