these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
