So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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