i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He? As in you personified your dick?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
