I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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