he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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