The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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