You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
