thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
