So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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