I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize