I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
