'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
