yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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