me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
