i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize