we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
