i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
