I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
