Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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