Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
did you just send me my own nude
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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