just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
