i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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