Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
