I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
