dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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