I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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