Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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