i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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