im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently you make a good broom.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
