i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she told me i tasted like america
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
