The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
