I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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