best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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