So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
