I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
