Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
