let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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