you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
