Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
