just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
