you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
